Lost In Translation?

My co-workers are wondering why I am sitting alone in my office laughing hysterically, so I will leave them to think I have lost my mind as I share with you the reason for my amusement.

Please enjoy the following,

MANGLED TRANSLATIONS FROM ABROAD:

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose

In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

And to top it off

The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read "Are you lactating?"

Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea".

Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux".

Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick" curling iron to Germany, only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "manure stick".

When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside, since many people can't read.

Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.

An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I saw the potato" (la papa).

Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave", in Chinese.

The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Kekoukela", meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "kokou kole", translating into "happiness in the mouth".

Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "it takes a strong man to make a tender chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate".

When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its "Fly in leather" campaign literally, which meant "Fly naked" (vuela en cuero) in Spanish.

When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "it won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you". The company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant".

If you're traveling to Tokyo, are you prepared to be toodled with vigor?

What of the airline takes your bags and sends them in all directions?

What if you become impregnated by your pen while flying naked to Mexico?

Yeah, we've got a plan for that.

At Insurance Services of America, we specialize in International Travel Medical and Trip Insurance.

Give us a call for prompt, professional, personal service.

800-647-4589

You never know what might happen while the chambermaid is flattening your underwear.

The REAL Meaning of Christmas

Merry Christmas from your friends at

Insurance Services of America!

Gobble up these Thanksgiving Travel Tips:

It’s hard to believe but we’re only a few weeks away from Thanksgiving. Travelers who are planning to fly somewhere and haven’t booked yet should be prepared for some painful fares and middle seats. For those who have booked and have confirmed reservations, here’s a trio of tips from Consumer Traveler, from the obvious, to perhaps the not-so-obvious.

1. Forget having a “normal” airport experience. Planes full of families and leisure travelers are just not the same as equally-full planes of business travelers. Occasional travelers are often less “entitled” than regular fliers, which is a good thing. But they don’t have the “rules” memorized, which is not.
Plenty of folks in security lines will be stopped for cell phones in pockets, water bottles in carry-ons, etc, etc. And, due to people cashing in miles and frequent fliers bringing their families, some of these people will be in the elite lines. (One line was held up recently by a young child who at first refused to take his shoes off.)

2. Full planes and iffy late November weather don’t increase the odds for a successful checked luggage experience. Especially as airlines try their best to keep flights on time, as they know people really want to make it home for the holidays. Getting baggage to destinations together with their owner is a goal, but a lower priority. In additional, leisure travelers tend to check more bags, so there’s simply more volume.
This doesn’t mean not to check your luggage, but if you have a special dress or outfit you REALLY want to wear for a holiday meal, or anything you must have within 24 hours of arrival, try extra hard to put it in your carry-on.

3. Bring a sense of humor. It’s not an easy travel holiday. Even people who are excited about visiting friends and relatives are usually at least a little stressed. And some are more than a little stressed. Plus, road warriors who are used to traveling and flying solo now are getting brought back to earth with family members. (The child who didn’t want to take his shoes off was with an elite-status frequent flier mother, who was incredibly embarrassed by her son’s actions.)

Keep these three Thanksgiving factors in mind while traveling and many maddening things that drive you crazy at the time will make great Thanksgiving dinner table stories later.

Whether you are driving, flying, or taking the train this Thanksgiving, don’t leave home without adequate travel insurance. Why risk your financial investment in the event of accident or illness, lost luggage, and missed connections? Call the pro’s at Insurance Services of America for a free instant quote, and see how affordable piece of mind can be.

And we’re not just talkin’ turkey!

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Halloween Fun Facts

Orange and black are Halloween colors because orange is associated with the Fall harvest and black is associated with darkness and death.

Jack o’ Lanterns originated in Ireland where people placed candles in hollowed-out turnips to keep away spirits and ghosts.

Tootsie Rolls were the first wrapped penny candy in America.

Halloween candy sales average about 2 billion dollars annually in the United States.

Chocolate candy bars top the list as the most popular candy for trick-or-treaters with Snickers #1.

Halloween is the 2nd most commercially successful holiday, with Christmas being the first.

Monster Trivia & Folklore

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Signs of a werewolf are a unibrow, hairy palms, tattoos, and a long middle finger.

Vampires are mythical beings who defy death by sucking the blood of humans.

In about 1 in 4 autopsies, a major disease is discovered that was previously undetected.

Halloween Movie Details

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'Halloween" was made in only 21 days in 1978 on a very limited budget.

The movie was shot in the Spring and used fake autumn leaves.

The mask used by Michael Meyers in the movie "Halloween" was actually a William Shatner mask painted white.

The character Laurie Strode, played by Jamie Lee Curtis was named after John Carpenter's first girlfriend.

While the setting for the story is in Illinois, the license plates on the vehicles have California plates.

Halloween is on October 31st, the last day of the Celtic calendar. It was originally a pagan holiday, honoring the dead. Halloween was referred to as All Hallows Eve and dates back to over 2000 years ago.

What is spookier than ghosts and goblins? Not having adequate health insurance!

Call the experts at Insurance Services of America for all your travel medical and short term health insurance needs!

Insurance Services of America

800-647-4589

Who's the friendliest in the sky?

One of my favorite travel websites just conducted an informal poll of its readers and asked which was their favorite airline. Below are the top 10:

10. USAirways
9. Virgin America
8. AirTran
7. Alaska
6. United
5. JetBlue
4. Delta
3. American
2. Continental
And the winner is:
1. Southwest

So what puts Southwest ahead of the pack? Is it their fares, customer service, or maybe the fact that they are the only airline on the list that does not charge a baggage fee?

Tell me, dear readers, what is your airline of choice, and what makes them so?

One random commenter will receive a set of shiny new ISA luggage tags!

BE PREPARED FOR ANYTHING WHEN YOU TRAVEL

I just read and interesting article from the travel experts at Fodor’s. Last week, their art director found herself on the tarmac in Munich headed for Barcelona with absolutely no cash, no credit card, and no ATM card. All had been left in her camera case that was still hanging on the back of a stall in the ladies room near the departure lounge. Luckily, she arrived in Barcelona and was able to borrow money from friends while waiting for a new credit card to arrive.

But what if she had not had friends waiting for her in Barcelona? What if she's lost her passport as well? In a genuine emergency, when you have no cash or passport on hand, what would you do? It always helps to know where to turn in the event that your trip goes bad, especially when you're abroad and may not know anyone where you are traveling. Luckily, there are some simple things you can remember that can help you turn a travel disaster into something much less terrible. Take a tip from the experts with some simple steps toward safeguarding your travel plans:




1. Make copies of everything. Make color copies of your passport, credit cards and ATM card (both front and back), and your driver's license. If you lose these things, it's much easier to get them replaced if you have a good copy.




2. Know your bank's policies. Would your bank be able to mail you a replacement credit or ATM card immediately? Does it have branches or offices in the country where you'll be traveling? How about a local contact number? If not, how do you reach them?



3. Know the number and location of the nearest U.S. consulate. If you are traveling abroad, you should always have the telephone number and location of the nearest U.S. consulate, which you will have to visit in person to get a temporary replacement passport in the event that yours is lost or stolen. It's usually possible to get an emergency passport within 24 hours.

4. Get travel insurance. Insurance Services of America’s clients are provided with a 24 hour assistance help line. They can help you with an emergency cash transfer or can find the nearest consulate or an English-speaking doctor; even help you rebook flights if you miss a connection.




Some folks think they just don't need travel medical insurance. They figure they are healthy and won't need it. Unfortunately you never know what can go wrong when you travel, and when you're in a different country, small inconveniences can become tremendous problems.

When you are covered by a comprehensive travel medical plan from Insurance Services of America, in addition to being covered for medical emergencies, you'll have access to travel assistance 24 hours a day. We can help locate and return your lost checked baggage, help with cash transfers, make last minute changes to your itinerary, refer you to doctors, lawyers, aid in the replacement of lost prescriptions, and much more.

Don't get caught without adequate travel insurance!

Call the fine folks at Insurance Services of America for a great plan that won't break the bank.

800.647.4589

Buy Trip Insurance Separately From Your Trip Provider

Check out this article I just read on Clark Howard's web page:



Buy Trip insurance separately from your trip provider
Trip insurance policies should always be purchased when you are taking a cruise, a tour or traveling on a trip that requires pre-payment of thousands of dollars.

Such policies are designed to protect consumers by giving them refunds in the event of illness to the traveler or an immediate family member. They also provide a refund in the case of company, tour operator or airline default.

Consumers should always purchase a policy independent of the cruise, tour or vacation planner. Never purchase the trip protection plan from the trip organizer. Those types of policies are designed to protect only the company and not the consumer!



At Insurance Services of America, we know that you should buy your travel insurance separately from your trip provider. Otherwise, if your trip provider goes belly up, your Trip insurance does too! The Round Trip plan from Insurance Services of America is specifically designed to protect your financial investment and cover you against default by your airline, cruise line, tour group etc. There is even an optional 'Cancel for Any Reason' benefit in case you can't make it on your trip. In addition to protecting your vacation plans, there is coverage for lost baggage and personal effects, and emergency medical expenses including repatriation.

So do what the experts suggest and give us a call. We'll help you get comprehensive coverage and still leave you with plenty of spending money for souvenirs!

800.647.4589